"The clock had stopped at 11.11" - Sutapa Sikdar pens an emotional letter remembering Irrfan Khan on his first death anniversary

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A year ago, Irrfan Khan left us with deep grief in our hearts. He was a beloved actor who was not only known in Indian film industry but internationally as well. His work is celebrated by his family including son Babil Khan and wife Sutapa Sikdar. Today, she pays tribute to the actor and remembers him through an emotional letter.

On his first death anniversary, Irrfan's wife Sutapa Sikdar penned an emotional post remembering him. She posted on Facebook and described the events that took place on his last day. She wrote, "People living deeply have no fear of death"...Anais Nin, your favourite poet Irrfan. Last year tonight me and my friends sang songs for you, all your favourite songs. The nurses were looking at us strangely as they were used to religious chants in critical times but I had overdone that for you Irrfan morning evening and night for two years and since they told me it was time I wanted you to go with memories you loved. so we sang songs .next day you left for the next station I hope you knew where to get down without me."

To Sutapa, every second counted and she mentioned how keenly Irrfan was interested in numbers. She wrote, “363 days eight thousand seven hundred and twelve hours..when each second is counted how exactly does one swim this huge ocean of time. The clock had stopped at 11.1 1 on 29th April for me ....Irrfan you had a keen interest in mystery of numbers. .and funny you had three 11's on your final day. Some say actually many say this is a very mystical number 11/11/11."

Sutapa said that it hasn't been easy for her after Irrfan had left them when it came to changing the name especially and her fingers kept stopping on that how she could just take his name away and make it Sutapa. She confessed that she was unable to sign, took a day off and the name game constantly played on her mind like a film in a projector.

Sutapa later in his post remembered her NSD ( National School of Drama) days with Irrfan. She spoke about how they spent evenings outside NSD late evening looking at beautiful girls from Kathak Kendra, all very well dressed up unlike both of them who were always in blue track pants and sky blue t-shirt and both boys and girls wore the same clothes. “Like a film in a projector .i remember sitting outside NSD late evening ..beautiful girls from kathak kendra floating out ..they were all very well dressed up unlike us we were always in our blue trackpant and sky blue t shirt ..both boys and girls wore the same …and you mispronounced my name and I tried to correct and rubbed it in as usual my permanent thing that north Indians are so stupid and they only can pronounce sunny Vicky Rahul type names and proceed to kake ki dukaan in gol chakkar to have ek bata do chai ….its been a long journey of correcting each other spanning a life time. fighting arguing laughing evolving together,” she added.

“You were the loner in a crowd. And now a whole crowd has followed you up there ..by the way OM from the tea stall in the nukkad went some years back has he made a chai ka stall up there? are you having ek bata do chai there. and are drinking water from the running streams? All of you stay in peace remember us that we loved you, all of you. And remember all of you is missed by some one or the other ..all your families grieve ..may you all rest in peace! I hope there is enough space I hope some of you will forgive us for not been able to give a respectable cremation,” she concluded her heartfelt post.

After his prolonged battle with neuroendocrine tumour, Irrfan Khan passed away on April 29, 2020. Due to the nationwide lockdown amid COVID-19, the cremation was done in presence of few people owing to protocols.